Archive for July, 2008
Jul
31
Posted under
My Observations
I admit it;
I am a newbie to the world of blogging. So new I just had to add the word “blogging” to my Microsoft Word dictionary.
In the short time I’ve been at this, I’ve attempted to write just about everyday, I swear!! Some days it just rolls off the page and they write themselves. Other days it is a struggle to find the interesting topic for not only me but those who “might” stop by.
But my biggest gripe is that you people out there have gotten me “addicted” to your lives. I spend a great portion of my day, much to the disappointment of my boss, checking into your activities. Who’s on vacation? Who is struggling with teenage issues at home? Who’s dealing with being a single parent? What’s going on with the Dad’s and Mom’s out in cyberspace…
I’ve tried to walk away, really I’ve tried. I spent one whole day not looking at my computer.
It was nice.
Then I went to work where I use a computer constantly. I got sucked in again.
Is my blog page right? Have I found the right “networks” to join? If I write enough comments to other blogs will they find mine? Oh screw it, if they want to find me then they’ll just have to spend the time like me.
Well, at least this is a cheap addiction…
Jul
30
Posted under
My Observations
Did everyone hear the news? For us Southern Californian’s there was quite a surprise. It was kind of a jolt. Something that just shakes your very foundations. It’s something that will stay with you for sometime.
The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim acquired from the Atlanta Braves, Mark Teixeira. He’s a switch hitting first baseman whose power with the bat is only equaled by his stellar defense on the field.
The Angels gave up in the trade Casey Kotchman who’s put career numbers at first base, and minor league pitcher Stephen Marek.
Teixeira has been rumored to be on the trading block for several weeks and was at one time before the season, an acquisition the Angels were pursuing. He brings to this sometime lack luster offense a potent bat in the middle of the Angel lineup.
**** Oh, by the way, someone told me we had an earthquake yesterday…
Jul
29
Posted under
Daughters
The advantages of being a father of teenagers is that I have lots of stories from their past. Of course these stories are based on my memory of them, which as I approach the geezer age could be hazy at best…
I had promised myself that I wasn’t going to be that dad who just saw his kids on the weekends. In fact I fought very hard to get them almost 50% of the time. However, you can become the “Disneyland Dad” if you see them infrequently. You feel you need to go over the top when you have them. I fought very hard not to be that dad. I thought.
A few years ago right after my divorce, I decided to take my daughters on vacation. I don’t know why I felt the need to go big. I don’t know if it was for the kids or more for me but I booked us on a cruise. Yep, you guessed it, a Disney Cruise to the Caribbean.
On this cruise one of the islands we stopped in was St. Maarten. The island is half Dutch and the other French. The girls and I decided to do a snorkeling excursion to a small island just a mile away from the port. Everyone was excited to sail to this remote island and explore the coral reef.
A small sail boat took us to this remote island with about fifty people from the cruise ship. We landed at the beach and everyone took off to explore the reefs. On the way back to the sail ship the girls and I noticed that several other sail boats had arrived at this remote island.
Imagine our surprise when my oldest remarked “Dad, those people on the beach are naked!” Sure enough the French natives (about twenty five of them) of the island were there to get that “all round tan”. We hurried back to the boat and all the while the girls just kept looking and remarking.
How do you explain to young teenagers not accustomed to other cultures about “being free”?
I’ve got to get these girls out more often…
Jul
28
Posted under
My Observations
This is a phenomenon that I was not aware of. In getting remarried I brought into my new combined family not only a wife and a step daughter but two female cats and a female dog. This was with the two teenage daughters I already had.
Yep, that’s right; the only male under the roof. “A man unto himself”. “A home with just a singular male.” Quick, let’s hear the awww (for sympathy).
The two cats ignore me and that’s ok. Their just cats. One rules the roost and eats plastic bags (weird stuff shows up in the cat box) and the other just hides under our bed all day (gives new meaning to “scaredy cat”).
It’s the dog I don’t understand. My wife had the dog years before we got married. This dog is wary of strangers and only lets you pet her if she knows you. A friendly dog, just cautious.
From day one I moved into that house, that dog has been my constant companion. Not that I encouraged it. I didn’t have many pets growing up. An iguana (yeah, weird) as a kid and the occasional dog but not much else. Hell, my ex and I had a cat (not my choice) when we were married.
This dog constantly follows me around the house. No one can put her outside for the evening (don’t worry we live in Southern California, its warm) but me. She looks to me directions when we go on family walks. It’s weird that the dog latched onto me and takes only my direction.
I’m just thinking out loud but, if only the other females in my household….
Jul
27
Posted under
Ex's
Once in a great while the disputes I have with my ex-wife raise their ugly heads, and I have to deal with someone about whom I not sure is rational. And please remember these are my points of view and not necessarily those of the management.
Raising kids is supposed to be a partnered thing. This is why we get married and have children. You and your spouse watch each others back and hope you don’t get ambushed by the little rug rats. You trade off with responsibilities and give each other time to be adults for a little while.
Well, divorce screws that up royally. You suddenly become a single parent trying to work with a hostile enemy. You may say to each other that “it’s all about the kids”, but in reality there is an underlying power trip going on. The kids unfortunately become the pawns in your struggles with your “ex” to be right. No matter how well your intentions, if you’re not sleeping with that person or spending hours on end with them you won’t be on the same side. You can’t be a team in deciding what’s best. I’ve witnessed it and I’ve lived it.
My ex and I are for the most part are very cordial. We do strive to do what’s best for the kids. I’ve been told by many people that we have one of the “better divorces” out there. Whatever that means! However, there are days that when dealing with her makes me cringe. Her need to be right will overshadow our need to partner in the decision process.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m no Angel. I’ve gone off the deep end of the reality pool a few times myself. When your checks and balances of a spouse at home are not there and you need to fly by the seat of your pants, you sometimes crash and burn. Guilty as charged.
What is the answer to this dilemma? How do we raise our kids in this environment work? Where do I find the patience not to prank call their mother?
Jul
25
Posted under
Daughters,
Step Daughter
I grew up with a brother, had male cousins and most of my friends we’re guys. I didn’t know much about the fairer sex growing up. When my brother or I did something incredibly stupid, like take string and run it all over our room through furniture and doors and then having your parent open the door and everything comes crashing down. Do you know how hard it is to find and iguana after you’ve crashed his aquarium? You could hear the belt coming out from across the house. Corporal punishment was not handed out a lot, but it was definitely used as a deterrent.
As I’ve said before, God has a sense of humor. Not only was I blessed with two daughters from my first wife, I remarried a few years after divorce and inherited a step daughter. How do you discipline girls? I know boys!
After many years of trial and error, they’re trial, my error; I found what works for these girls. Guilt.
Girls are wired differently than boys. Girls don’t want to disappoint their parents. I’ve used this to my advantage. When one of them steps over the line and gets caught like abusing their curfew, I sit them down stare at them with a look of disappointment and wham, the tears start. Guilt.
Before someone starts to chime in that these girls are going to need major therapy when they grow up, please don’t fret. As they’ve gotten older this form of discipline is not working as well as when they were younger. I tried it on my oldest daughter the other day. I gave her the disappointed look hoping that she’d react to it in my favor. She just looked at me and said “Dad, the guilt trip doesn’t work anymore, nice try.”
Jul
23
Posted under
Wife,
Women
For those who might not know the intricate details of internet dating let me expand your horizons. Match.com is a site where you input your profile and basically put yourself out there for the world to see. The good, bad and the socially inept are all gathered to be picked at and prodded. If someone sees what they remotely like in your profile, you start communicating.
Eharmony is a more passive dating site. You take a personality test (long!) and create a profile for yourself. You then (shudder!) let Eharmony pick a few people who they think you’ll match up with. These specimens (I mean people) sent to you are those who they think your compatible with.
Many people know how my wife and I met. We both were internet dating and found each other. She and I happened to have profiles on Match.com at the same time. She was one of a couple of women I had started a correspondence with and we just seemed to click. After the first date (3 hours at a wine bar can make me look good!!!) I knew that this was the most interesting woman I had met in a long time.
I’m a firm believer in opposites that attract. My wife and I have similar attitudes in raising kids and general home life, not unlike many couples. However, she is an 80’s music nut. I’m retro 70’s. She likes opera, I like jazz. She doesn’t mind the house in disarray, I am constantly picking up after everyone.
But I love that she knows when it’s time for just us and makes sure to schedule that time around the kids. I know that when she’s got that look in her eyes its time for me to vacate with the kids and give her down time.
The essence of this story is that if we had both been on Eharmony at the same time we would have never met. Are personalities are diverse enough that there is no way in hell Eharmony would have placed us together.
