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Frozen Peas
Posted under My Observations by Mike
You’re laying there in the doctor’s exam office on the examination table. Your crotch is exposed and the doctor examining your testicles. He digs out a syringe and tells you that this is to numb the area. Your thinking what’s going to numb that needle?
The doctor after numbing the area with that “frickin needle” proceeds to use his scalpel and start digging for what eventually ends up looking like a piece of wet spaghetti. He’ll cut about a two inch section out and show it to you. I don’t want to see stuff that’s supposed to be inside of me, outside of me.
He then cauterizes the two ends. The smell of burning flesh and some smoke is not what you associate at the doctor’s office. A horror movie, not a doctor’s office. He sews you up and tells you to stay away from sex for a couple of days (like I’m going near my wife ever again) hands you the plastic cup and sends you on your way with an ice pack.
I was checking out my friends last night and stumbled on Russ and his post concerning his intimate relationship with a plastic cup. He recently had himself “snipped” and the cup was for a sample to bring back to the doctor. You got to know if the swimmers are still lurking about or if they’ve been completely “ejected”.
After our second child was born and my wife the ex neglected to tell them to tie her tubes, I was volunteered as the new birth control recipient guinea pig. For those not keeping up, that meant V-A-S-E-C-T-O-M-Y for yours truly. Now this was about, let’s see my youngest is 16, so about 15 and a half years ago yours truly got “snipped”.
I showed up at the doctor’s office in the baggiest pants I had. They were multi-colored parachute 
pants. It was the early 90’s you can’t blame me for bad fashion.
After the procedure we slowly walked over to our favorite Mexican restaurant for margaritas to celebrate life without condoms and pills. I spent the next two days swallowing pain killers and shoving bags of frozen peas into my pants to relieve the swelling.
And that plastic cup? Never did get around to using it.
Do you think I should tell my wife? Nah…
Oh man, I did NOT want to relive that. UGH UGH UGH
lets talk about baseball, PLEASE?!?!?
M@s last blog post..No more crap…
@M@: Your the one with the plastic cup!
Am I the only guy in the world who didn’t have a horrible vasectomy experience?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not gonna exchange christmas cards with the good doc or anything, but it’s all good.
PGs last blog post..We Learned More From a Three Minute Record… (237/365)
Thanks for sharing fellas! I hate to less at your discomforts. That’s a total lie, I had a good laugh at your expenses, thank you.
Weaselmommas last blog post..Potato Doll
Ouch. I can’t say I’ve ever read a man’s perspective of the v-word, but I will say that it made ME cringe reading it. You should’ve went ahead and got it pierced too- really went out with a bang!
the cubicle’s backporchs last blog post..Jennifer Trivia. Part 1.
wow that sounds like it was awful!
I can´t get over those pants.
Yeah, yeah, I know it was the 90´s…it´s not your fault that our culture was crazy,
but my god…those pants…
Bluestreaks last blog post.."Your Mom Is Melting My Brains"
Weaselmomma, Thanks for your support! Glad to bring a laugh to someone (am I channeling Carly Simon here? Yes, I think the song is about me!)
Cubicle, I should have gotten a piercing too, I already had a bunch of holes put in me, why not a decorative one?
Mike, glad I could inspire your post! You may want to use that cup, just to make sure…
Russs last blog post..TV, by Russ
@PG: Mine wasn’t bad just not expected. 16 years ago was a long time.
@Weaselmomma: Could have been worse, it could have been childbirth…
@Bluestreak: Thing is I probably wore those pants long after they were in fashion…
@Mike: What WERE you expecting during that doctor’s visit?
Worried Dads last blog post..Someone On Wall Street Ate the Brown Acid
@Worried Dad: It’s not what I was expecting, but what he ended up doing….
I’m joining PG in the “mine went just fine” category. Granted, I’d love to say I went golfing the next day, but that would be a lie. My doc was kind enough to write me a prescription to give to my wife:
For the care of your husband after doing this for you, you should make sure that tonight, his beer is never empty, he’s got ice for his.., the remote is at his side and has fresh batteries.
My one complaint about mine, the doctor actually said this “Oops, oh crap!” Thankfully, it had nothing to do with the business at hand, rather he forgot to do something at home, but still…dude…don’t scare me like that.
OhCaptains last blog post..Something to think about - Attitude
Loved this post! It reminded me of a speeding ticket I got while on the way to the urologist with Mr.4444’s sperm sample in a bakery bag on the passenger seat. Oddly enough, when I used that as an excuse (”I had to get it to the office before too much time had passed!”) the cop was not interested in my story! On the bright side, I appeared in court, and the judge was too kind to read the complaint out loud (in front of the chain gang behind me). He reduced the charges to “disorderly conduct with a motor vehicle.” Nice.
Half-Past Kissin’ Times last blog post..Friday Fragments
So when the OBGYN asks me< “What kind of birth control are we using?” should I be concerned?
It sounds sorta like when you take the car into the shop and they show you all the parts they’ve replaced…but on a much more personal level.
JihadGenes last blog post..It’s Friday! Let’s Dance!!!
I use frozen peas for a different reason … here’s a clue … I sit on them.
the graphic detail, much appreciated. So hey, on your comment on my last post, I see your icon is a picture of you, um, in a pink shirt. Let’s see the pink computer too!
It’s all been down-hill since that pink computer. Hasn’t it?
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