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I’m Going to Write a Book…
Posted under Ex's, Wife by Mike
I swear I’m going to sit down and write a book...
This book will have some kind of pop up in it. One that “literally” slaps the face of the reader. A kind of a wake up call, a physical reminder to that reader that they need to pay attention because life is about to get really hard and really nasty.
This book that I’m contemplating on authoring would be directed to those idiots who have decided that they are going to neglect their partners. Specifically men who have seemed to have forgotten why they got married in the first place.
If you’ve spent any time reading my blog I’ve sent you over to read KT at When Did I Become a Grownup? She’s a courageous woman who has just recently been through her own hell. Unfortunately, it’s not over for her yet, but she’s on her way.
What makes me an expert on this? I’ve been through this little slice of hell myself. Through more than 16 years of marriage, I, like a lot of my fellow neadrathals out there, didn’t put our best foot forward. We didn’t appreciate what we had and made excuses not to be the best husbands we should all be.
I’ve been asked several times what broke up my first marriage and the easy explanation (read excuse) has been that my ex cheated on me. But, that’s not really the reason. Just a symptom. You see, it takes two people to destroy a marriage. In my case it was a matter of letting my partner down. I didn’t tell her that I appreciated her enough, that I loved her enough. When those things are missing in your relationship, it’s not hard to see the other partner either giving up or finding it somewhere else.
Divorce is messy. It needs to be messy and hard. That way you’ll think twice before doing it. The problem is that you don’t know it’s going to be that way until you start to go through it.
We all think the grass is greener on the other side and that we’ll find it easier after getting out of this mess.
WRONG, WRONG, WRONG… A thousand times, wrong.
Through my divorce, I suffered, my kids suffered, my ex suffered. There were emotional wounds, financial upheavals, and physical exhaustion. If you don’t think this is a little slice of hell, go ahead, give it a try.
And yet, the lessons are too easy to learn. My wife and I practice them daily. A kiss in the morning to start our day. A kiss in the evening to say hi after our long day apart. We constantly remind each other why were in this relationship together. I made mistakes in my first marriage that don’t intend to repeat.
You’ve been warned.
Next time, be careful, the next book you read could slap you in the face.
I’ve seen enough to know that divorce is hideous. Sometimes it’s a necessary evil, but never easy for anyone involved. Your reminders of some of the little things that can make a big difference are spot on.
terri’s last blog post..Get Blogged by Terri – Oscar’s Tavern
If only they had a pop-up for parents who want to have four or more kids.
Daddy Forever’s last blog post..It’s a Boy
I’ve learned that there are always two sides to every divorce story. You are a brave man to admit that you weren’t blameless in yours. Fortunately, lessons learned can only make your new marriage stronger.
Cocotte’s last blog post..Three Things, But Who’s Counting?
Do it and let me know when it comes out so I can buy it for about 10 of my friends.
M@’s last blog post..Deconstructing Matt
At least you were able to learn from past mistakes and not repeat them this time around. Good luck getting a publisher.
Weaselmomma’s last blog post..In The Kingdom Of Weaselville………
One of my friends has been through a divorce and it’s amazing what it does to people. I hope to never go down that path.
Jen’s last blog post..Nothing a trip to Gatlinburg couldn’t fix.
Tell me about it. That’s why I gave it one more try with Mrs. Joe. Too bad she didn’t feel the same way.
above average joe’s last blog post..Not The Close Contact They Were Expecting
I agree that there are two sides in a divorce…but, there is still NO excuse for cheating.
And fortunately….in second marriages….that’s what we do…try harder, kiss more often, and try not to forget “why” we married each other in the first place.
Heather’s last blog post..Colorado girls “DO IT” too….
Very powerful Mike. Great post. Well written. Know that arena. Never as easy as most assume it is.
Your first marriage should be like a practice marriage. Then option for re-newal.
Oscar’s last blog post..Are We There Yet?
I agree that no one should enter a divorce lightly. But I don’t think it should be messy or hard. Sad, yes, but not ugly. I am deeply grateful that my ex and I were able to end our marriage in the most cooperative way possible and stay friends. I’m not saying we were able to skip the grief of it, but I think our kids were able to come through it relatively unscathed because of our commitment to doing our level best not to make it messy or hard.
citizen of the world’s last blog post..The distractions continue.
I feel your pain.
Divorce can be an incredibly ugly and destructive thing, something that can last a lifetime, particularly if there are kids involved as there are in my case. Much as I’d love to be shut of that whole chapter of my life and move on, I can’t.
Instead, forever will I move forward carrying the weight of my mistake, and hers.
Tom’s last blog post..Calling Card
Wise words indeed. Marriage takes work and communication and attention, and for those who choose to neglect it . . . will benefit from reading your book!
Experience is the best teacher.
I hope to never have to take your advice for how to do a divorce. How to keep a marriage happy and functional…that’s our work in progress
OhCaptain’s last blog post..Shopping: 5 year old style
Hello Mike,
I’m happy I found your blog. Your words brought tears to my eyes. I too come up short in my marriage. It’s easier to see someone else’s flaws and play the “victim”. I love him, we are not perfect, but there aren’t any victims in my marriage, just survivors. I still get angry, but instead of striking out, I write it out. Works much better.
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