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Breastfeeding…?
Posted under Daughters, Family, How I See It by MikeGot your attention? Actually this post isn’t so much about breastfeeding as it is about what we as parents need to continue to teach our children.
A few days ago I came across a letter to the editor written in “The Atlantic” a magazine that I subscribe to. The letter started me thinking not about breastfeeding, but about the lessons we teach our children.
The letter stated, “I am a first-time mother with a baby who will soon be 3 months old. Before I had my son, I was working 60-hour weeks as a project manager, a challenging job that I enjoy and am still devoted to. I am married, and my husband also works full time. Like many other women, I received a short maternity leave. Since my return, I’ve barely been able to hold my project together, and I feel guilty and deficient every day. It’s difficult to complete a task when you have to breast-feed 12 to 15 times a day, and your partner cannot really help out, because he isn’t lactating.”
My argument isn’t about whether to breastfeed or not. I am by no means an expert on the subject. I do have an opinion but that isn’t the reason for this post. After reading her letter my reaction was: This was a child, you made a choice. Like all choices we make you need to understand the consequences. How did she not think that with her full time job as well as her husband’s, that time would be needed to take care of her son? This includes the time to breastfeed (or pump) for your son.
I’ve raised my daughters with the understanding that life is full of choices. Choose wisely and understand the consequences, not only to you but those around you. You can’t always go through life making decisions impulsively. You stay up late on a school night and you will pay the price the next day. You go out with friends past your curfew and you will lose privileges. These are minor examples compared to the decision to have a baby. But, you need to start somewhere.
Start the education at home. Let them learn and fail were its safe. Show them that for every choice they make they need to weigh the consequences.
Not sure most people realize precisely all the ways their lives will change with the first kid. It seems obvious in retrospect, but still…
Also, I didn’t see the letter or the article she was responding to, but there’s definitely a penalty that mothers pay in this country that other places have figured out how to avoid. Most countries think we’re nuts to give (and take) just 12 weeks of unpaid maternity leave.
Worried Dad’s last blog post..Chinese Sofa = Death
I see both sides of the issue……my poor husband has had to pick up the slack everytime one of his staff goes on maternity or adoption leave. Because “professionals” don’t get replacements/substitutes. And then they cry the blues when they come back.
Sometimes, you just can’t have it all. Whether that’s politically correct or not!
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She feels guilty and deficient in her job because her baby is taking up too much of her time??? What is wrong with this picture?
terri’s last blog post..Preacher Dave and the Nice Tries
it really comes down to where you put your priorities. What is more important, your job or breastfeeding? I’m not saying they should choose the kid or the job, but if you’re going to come back to work, the choice seems like you should wean the baby onto formula. I’ve seen too many people try to do it and fail.
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I could not agree more. People choose to bring children into this world then complain that they’re got getting enough sleep or whatever. Well, DUH! What did you think was going to happen?
So. Many. Snarky. Comments.
I read The Atlantic too. My Dad’s cast offs, so I’m usually a month behind. I’m still finding out why “White America” is no more. Good writing, but I have a hard time keeping my stomach settled on some articles.
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Similar problems with Mrs. Joe. Too bad some are made to think they can do it all.
above average joe’s last blog post..If Its A Dumb Rule, Mind As Well Break It
You can never fully know what you are getting into with your first child, but she should not be surprised at the amount of time needed to breast feed. I think that is pretty obvious up front.
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not looking forward to my girls going out on their own (even walk to school) to any degree.
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So, so true. It is paramount that parents teach their kids about making good choices, and understanding how their choices affect their future based upon natural and structured consequences.
Decide what you want to do, and make that the priority. And kids should never take a back seat to career goals.
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Speaking of consequences…how ’bout that student in FL whose mother is trying to get the yearbooks recalled. She made the choice to go commando (and she sat on the front row! DUH what do you think is going to happen?), and now she’s suffering the consequences. Although I’d rather not see all that, I do not believe the school should lose the $ on a yearbook reprint!
You better believe consequences are discussed with Linus and Lolly!
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Hubs and I planned not only when to have children, but that I would stay home as a full time mom. That took time and no small amount of sacrifice going from a two to one income family.
We talk to our kids all the time about their choices too.
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I’m surprised that so many commenters here don’t see a problem with the larger picture. Our society is set up as if it’s still the 1950s, where a woman should sacrifice all else to stay home raising the kids and the man goes out and spends all his time working at a job that pays all the bills. As the article and letters make clear, the benefits of breastfeeding are probably overhyped and anyone who tries to bottle feed seen as doing something close to child abuse.
Why should only women sacrifice their careers to have a kid? Even if they preferred it, having the woman take off a year or two for every kid isn’t a possibility for most couples. Wages have been stagnant in the US, and it’s the rare part of the country where you can sustain a family on a single salary (certainly not in the Boston area where I live). As in my case, many women earn more than their husbands. And why should men get screwed out of spending an equal amount of time with a baby? Besides the actual breastfeeding, there isn’t anything a mom can do that a dad can’t.
In countries like Sweden everyone pays into a national pool, like unemployment insurance here, that covers a base rate for each parent to take a year of paid leave off from work. Generally the moms take the first year (to help with breastfeeding), and the dads take the second year. There isn’t any baby boom of people having kids just for the benefit, kids get breastfed, and both parents get to take a turn spending serious time raising the kid. It sounds weird to us in the US where all we get is 12 weeks of unpaid parental leave, but they think we’re nuts, and they’re a lot happier about the situation.
Worried Dad’s last blog post..Chinese Sofa = Death
Her problem lies in the fact that she’s breast feeding 15 TIMES A DAY! WHAT??? At 3 months old she needs to wean her child off of snacking and introduce it to 3 solid meals and maybe 2 other snack times – totaling 5 (maybe 6, 7 tops). I don’t think I was ever offering the boob 15 times a day.
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There’s also the formula option. Not as good as breast milk, but many babies were raised successfully with formula.
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So very interesting. I’ve heard that too, the baby gets in the way. So many people think that they have to have kids cause it’s the thing to do, but have no idea what that really means. There is a reason that for centuries, couples would have only one person working outside the home at a time. I have a traditional weekday job (aka. bankers hours), my wife on the other hand is an RN and works sick people’s hours. This worked well for us. We also sacrificed and took the maximum maternity leave allowed by law. Most of which was unpaid.
Choices. Think them through. Nice post
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