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Pick Me…
Posted under Daughters, How I See It, Wife by Mike
Since starting this blog, I get the occasional emails from businesses who want to advertise on it. They are usually marketing groups who hit most blogs at one time or another.
These businesses are usually looking for dads (and moms) who would be willing to try out the latest newfangled diaper with a built in monitor to check if the kid went number one or number two. Or it could be some exotic, organic, made in the backyard of some Amish family, all natural baby food. Or, it might even be some toy that will make your baby the next Einstein.
Since my blog is geared towards family and fatherhood, they just assume that I’m a new dad.
Nope, I’m an old one…
As the wife and I were walking the dog last night, I told her about this latest approach towards my blog. After laughing hilariously at the concept of me being a tester and why the hell my blog, she suggested that we come up with our own list. One more geared towards the father who has teenagers…..Daughters in particular.
So without further ado, my list of products that I would be excited to test:
Chastity Belts
Does this one need explaining? We’re looking for durability and an unbreakable lock.
Volvos
If I’m going to let me daughter drive, this is the car for her. This car company is known for building the equivalent of a tank. This particular model will need to be fully loaded with the latest reinforced armor. It will need safety bags throughout, and a parental video monitor to insure that no hanky panky happens in the back seat if they decide to go watch the submarine races.
Heavy Duty Baseball Bats
Every father needs a solid baseball bat to greet his daughter’s date at the door. It should be a reminder that a curfew is a curfew…damn it!
Shot Guns
In case the baseball bat didn’t get the young man’s attention. Just be cleaning it when he arrives at the door to pick up your daughter. He’ll have her home on time, even teenage boys aren’t that stupid.
Lie Detector Machines
Yeah, like they’re not doing anything behind that closed door…
Breathalyzer Tester
Let’s face it; you were a teenager once.
Unsexy Clothing
Have you seen how some of these girls dress for a date? I’m hoping the Amish look makes a comeback…
Cell Phone Texting
There needs to be a cell phone that shocks a teenager when their texting exceeds their time conversing with their parents…or anyone for that matter.
A Happy Pill
For the teenaged daughter. What I wouldn’t give to be a tester for this. As a father of three, there are times during the month that drama takes on a new meaning at the house. Come on Pfizer, Bristol Myers or whoever, can’t you guys see the need?
Those all sound perfect – you should have all the kinks worked out by the time my 10 year old needs them. Keeping my fingers crossed!
Anne in SC´s last blog ..Eeewwwhhh!
Love it! The Volvo bit reminds me of an old movie, with Dudley Moore, “Crazy People” (Volvo, boxy but good).
I’m now wondering what products I could test??? I’ll have to think about this a bit….. I feel a post coming on. Thanks for the inspiration and stay tuned! Good luck with your sponsors!
Bad Momma´s last blog ..Sum It Up Sunday – Week in Review
From a person who just spent a weekend with a 19 YO daughter who was in a fit of jealousy, can I just say…….I FEEL YOUR PAIN!
cocotte´s last blog ..Guilty Pleasures
Great List! May I add a few for the male teenager?
A kool aid flavored (or beer flavored) drink called “Act right” self explanatory, perhaps a head out of ass pill and better yet the invention of a third head to kick in when the big head is overwhelmed by the little one. A small voodoo doll I could torture when he’s late for curfew, mama needs sleep too!
PoetrysTruth´s last blog ..We got cake!
the scrubs episode was so damn funny. Hope they give you lots of ad money
M@´s last blog ..Crazy Busy
So once you and Ann knock out the kinks it will be ready for Miss L. I am thinking about petitioning Louisville Slugger and Smith and Wesson about some sponsorship/product testing.
Russ´s last blog ..For as long… by Russ
A “slimming” mirror is another. This way the will never feel “fat” and need to go on a diet of lettuce and water.
above average joe´s last blog ..Summer Fun
I think the best way to push this list through to your advertisers is to have several testers. I (or should I say my hubby – - mostly him) would be happy to test these products on our 9 and 5 year old – girls.
Hubby already tested the heavy duty baseball bat as a precursor to the chastity belt, by the way. We found that the former sort of thwarts the need for the latter.
swirl girl´s last blog ..The One in Which She Just Doesn’t Get It
You and my husband would get along great! LOL!
How about a winning lottery ticket or two?
Worried Dad´s last blog ..Danger In the Sand
I like where your head is at with most of those choices. If I ever have a girl I will be test driving tanks.
In the movie Crazy People they came up with this ad slogan for Volvo.
Volvo: They’re boxy but They’re good.
Otter´s last blog ..A Baby in Prison
Instead of a device that prevents them, against their will, from having sex, for my kids I’d want them to have the sense to choose wisely. I’m not opposed to them having sex when they are ready. But I’d wish for good birth control when they are ready.
secret agent woman´s last blog ..The hell with compassion!
I think you’re onto something here. You may not need to find a job if you can make a living as a tester.
And I have never given much attention to Scrubs and now wonder how I could possibly not know what I was missing. That was hilarious!
terri´s last blog ..Because I can’t seem to keep it brief
You have earned my vote for Dad of the Year!
LOL
Oscar´s last blog ..Smile, it’s Tuesday.
LOL! I love this list.
It is so true about those companies. Sometimes I really wonder why they contact me.
When you get that chastity belt product review up, let me know. We have a few years before our daughter needs one.
Momisodes´s last blog ..A girl’s best friend
You’re funny, Mike
Mr4444 has contacted the Flintstones Vitamin people to suggest that they start making “vitamin” birth control pills for teen girls. “Here you go, Honey. Don’t forget to take your vitamins!” So far, he hasn’t heard from them…
Mrs4444´s last blog ..There May Be Snow on the Rooftop, BUT….
Good list. You should put the items together in a kit and sell them to dads.
Daddy Forever´s last blog ..When She Was Young and Happy
Thanks to those who loved me, they made my heart bigger.
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