Obviously being unemployed, this doesn’t refer to me. However, I have been in this situation myself (hating my job) and when I saw this I just needed to pass it on. Enjoy….
When you have an ‘I Hate My Job Day’ Try this out:
Stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a
rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.
When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer.
Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:
“Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized.”
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,‘ I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.’
HAVE A NICE DAY; AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT
IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE ASS THAN YOURS!
…Remember, if you haven’t got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart… Then maybe you should go and work for Johnson and Johnson
I got a phone call from my oldest daughter who is in her senior year at college the other day. I love getting phone calls from her and she is pretty good about touching base with me at least a couple times a week. We usually talk about school life, classes, internships she’s pursuing, her roommates, and maybe the latest movies we’ve both seen. Nothing earth shattering and usually nothing too deep.
So, she calls and we start off with the small talk that we usually do. Then somewhere in the middle of it, she blurts out, “Daddy, I need to talk with you and mom face to face tomorrow for lunch.” Any of you out there who are parents, you know this is the time when your butt cheeks start to clench and your mind goes “Oh shit.” Of course, I asked her to give me a preview, something to ease the heart attack that was starting to build in my chest. I love my daughter for many things; one is that she seems to be intuitive to what is happening to her father.
“Dad, I’m not pregnant,” came from the other side of the phone. Oh, thank God, was in my head and I probably said it aloud as well. “The thing is that I need to move because our lease is expiring and I’ve lined up a couple of new roommates.” Here is where the bombshell is dropped, “and Mark (not his real name) and I are going to live together.” You see Mark (not his real name) has been my daughter’s boyfriend for the past three years. They met in her first year of college and have been together every since.
So, you would have thought this would have NOT been a revelation to me. She is after all almost twenty-two and has been living on her own since she was eighteen. Of my three daughters, my oldest is the most headstrong and determined to plow her way in the world.
Nevertheless, all I get is visions of my little girl in pigtails, running around the neighborhood playing with the other kids. NOT living with some guy she met in college.
So my oldest came in to town so that her mother and I could go to lunch and she could tell her mother the news. Her mother and I have been divorced for over ten years now and since then has become a fundamentalist Christian. There was no sure way to know how she was going to react to her news. Our daughter moving in and living with a boy.
Surprisingly, she took it well. She heard the news and calmly sat there absorbing it. She smiled and said that she wasn’t fond of the idea but she understood it. You see, her mother and I had lived together for a couple of years before getting married ourselves. And as she said, you can’t call the kettle black.
The song “Time’s of Your Life” by Paul Anka, was used in an old Kodak commercial back in the mid 70’s, keeps running through my mind. You watch your kids go through life’s stages, infants discovering the world, toddlers walking, grade school aged and innocence, teenage years and discovering themselves, and then on to young adulthood and being grownups.
I think I’ll just sit here and let Paul Anka sing in my head and rerun those memories in my head of my little girl and watching her grow up…
This is part of my series of what I’ve learned in my nearly 50 years of walking this planet. Here are a few things I don’t understand:
Why can’t I be more tolerant around those I know and don’t know? I try hard, but I often fail.
Were there really this many sex perverts prior to the to the Internet?
Why don’t many people understand that they control their own destiny?
Why do dogs stretch so often? They must understand something I do not.
Why does anyone really care who the latest celebrity is supporting for the Presidential nominee? Shouldn’t we be asking really smart people who they are supporting and why? Lets ask the Nobel Prize winners their opinions… at least they’d be somewhat credible.
Why does chocolate chip cookie dough taste considerably better cold and uncooked, for that matter day-old re-heated pizza tastes great too?
Why do I still have zits? What the hell is that about? I had a whitehead on my nose this morning that was the size of Texas. I am way too old for this, give me a break.
Why don’t people read more?
What the hell is all this nose and ear hair about?
I realized that after nearly 50 years (I said nearly) I’ve accumulated knowledge that has lead me down this very path I am enjoying now. For example I’ve learned:
*No one has ever asked me what my high school or college GPA was. Ever. Bastards! My high school guidance councilor once told me that I’d never amount to a pile of beans unless I earned a good grades. Crap!!
*My wife is remarkable. She is truly beautiful. Her adaptability is amazing. She’s had the challenge of not only raising a daughter with type 1 diabetes but has had the responsibility to raise two daughters not her own. I want to become a better person just to make her happier. She can also be a huge fucking challenge. That said, the good will always outweigh the bad in our relationship.
*My high school friends remain amongst the closest I have. But its on me to keep all of my friends. I need to initiate the communication – or the friendships inevitably fade…
*Perception is everything. Aristotle had it right. The person you are trying to persuade will be more malleable if you understand their needs/desires/motivations and modify your message.
*Laughter cures almost all. It is such a powerful emotion.
*I change over time. I love spinach. I no longer appreciate the spinning cups at Disneyland.
*Giving is always more fun than receiving.
*After spending the last few years in affluent town I’ve realized that people with wealth are not necessarily happier than people without wealth. Happiness seems to be derived from being appreciative for what you have and the life you live.
*I am often the most fortunate when I just say “yes.” I occasionally have regrets when I say “no.”
*My father, one of the wisest men I knew, used to tell us that M&Ms, Desitin Antiseptic, and duct tape could be used to fix just about anything. I’d like to add Craigslist and a Visa card to the mix.
A few weeks ago, I was sent an email from NPR’s Marketplace radio asking if I wanted to discuss my current job situation. Usually I don’t respond to these emails, they seem more trouble than their worth. But since time is a luxury that I seem to have in abundance, I decided to fill out their online form, just for giggles.
I mean really, who wants the opinion from a 49 year old, unemployed, former IT, occasional freelance writer anyways. Surprise, they called me Friday morning and asked if I’d like to be interviewed concerning my frustrating employment situation. You know, the one I whine about all the time here on the blog.
Mitchell Hartman, a reporter for Marketplace called and we talked for about 10 minutes. We discussed how I came to be unemployed and how the job market is pretty stagnant here in Southern California. I mentioned my wife and three teenage daughters and how keeping up appearances is important to them. I might be down, but I am far from out.
All in all, it was fun. My 5 minutes of fame I guess.
UPDATE: If you go to this link you can see the short story and if you click on the “listen to the story” link you can hear my brief 10 seconds (of a 10 minute interview). Oh well,
