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Your Going to Do What ???
Posted under Daughters, Ex's, How I See It by MikeI got a phone call from my oldest daughter who is in her senior year at college the other day. I love getting phone calls from her and she is pretty good about touching base with me at least a couple times a week. We usually talk about school life, classes, internships she’s pursuing, her roommates, and maybe the latest movies we’ve both seen. Nothing earth shattering and usually nothing too deep.
So, she calls and we start off with the small talk that we usually do. Then somewhere in the middle of it, she blurts out, “Daddy, I need to talk with you and mom face to face tomorrow for lunch.” Any of you out there who are parents, you know this is the time when your butt cheeks start to clench and your mind goes “Oh shit.” Of course, I asked her to give me a preview, something to ease the heart attack that was starting to build in my chest. I love my daughter for many things; one is that she seems to be intuitive to what is happening to her father.
“Dad, I’m not pregnant,” came from the other side of the phone. Oh, thank God, was in my head and I probably said it aloud as well. “The thing is that I need to move because our lease is expiring and I’ve lined up a couple of new roommates.” Here is where the bombshell is dropped, “and Mark (not his real name) and I are going to live together.” You see Mark (not his real name) has been my daughter’s boyfriend for the past three years. They met in her first year of college and have been together every since.
So, you would have thought this would have NOT been a revelation to me. She is after all almost twenty-two and has been living on her own since she was eighteen. Of my three daughters, my oldest is the most headstrong and determined to plow her way in the world.
Nevertheless, all I get is visions of my little girl in pigtails, running around the neighborhood playing with the other kids. NOT living with some guy she met in college.
So my oldest came in to town so that her mother and I could go to lunch and she could tell her mother the news. Her mother and I have been divorced for over ten years now and since then has become a fundamentalist Christian. There was no sure way to know how she was going to react to her news. Our daughter moving in and living with a boy.
Surprisingly, she took it well. She heard the news and calmly sat there absorbing it. She smiled and said that she wasn’t fond of the idea but she understood it. You see, her mother and I had lived together for a couple of years before getting married ourselves. And as she said, you can’t call the kettle black.
The song “Time’s of Your Life” by Paul Anka, was used in an old Kodak commercial back in the mid 70’s, keeps running through my mind. You watch your kids go through life’s stages, infants discovering the world, toddlers walking, grade school aged and innocence, teenage years and discovering themselves, and then on to young adulthood and being grownups.
I think I’ll just sit here and let Paul Anka sing in my head and rerun those memories in my head of my little girl and watching her grow up…
Oh dear….I have many opinions on this. Let’s just say, that decision would not go over well here. Esp. when we are the ones paying for college.
Cocotte´s last blog ..A Tale Of Seven Trees
It was not an easy “talk” to go through, but since we don’t full support her in college, she has a college fund setup by grandparents, we don’t have much we can say. My hope is that we raised a smart girl and that she knows what she’s doing…
My stomach turned over reading that second paragraph in sympathy dread! I’m glad it’s a good thing, but still I can imagine that transition with my kids will hit me, too/
secret agent woman´s last blog ..Another Snowfall.
I too have been slapped in the face a lot lately with the fact that the Weasels are growing older and more independent. Not anything quite this mind shattering, but definitely reality check worthy. I hope your ticker can hold strong.
WeaselMomma´s last blog ..You Never Thought About The Nativity Like This
I fully expect to have a similar conversation some day soon. My college kid and her BFF have dated for three years. She will be a senior next year. Her tuition is fully paid for, but not her housing, so we might have a little more say.
Good luck to all of you.
Tara R.´s last blog ..Weekly Winners ~ at the Landing
My son’s girlfriend moved in with him this year. It was a move made out of necessity as well. I think it was a bit easier for me to absorb because, for one, he’s a boy. Somehow, I think it’s a little bit easier with a son as opposed to a daughter. Also, there are three other room mates in the house and she does have her own bedroom, though I’m not so naive as to think they each spend every night in their own rooms. I worried about the possibility of them breaking up and being stuck in the same house for the year, and all the other usual worries, but it seems to be working out well. She’s a great girl and they’re both smart kids. I hope things work out just fine for your daughter too.
terri´s last blog ..Life is Good – December 18, 2009
Thank GOD I’m about 10 years from that talk. Oye.
Make a stiff drink, grab a stogie, and go sit out back and say Oh Shit over and over:)
M@´s last blog ..Some of my favorite movies…what’s yours?
Doesn’t sound fun at all. Like you said all you can do now is trust that you raised her well and she will make smart decisions about the new arangement. This makes me want to try and cherish every moment even more.
Otter´s last blog ..I Still Believe in Radio
well, I live with my guy and who knows if we will ever get around to getting married, I am sure we will, preferably before my kids start dating and want to move in with their boyfriend. Heh heh.
this new place´s last blog ..Wise at Christmas
As someone who has lived with her boyfriend pretty much since we started dating (I knew him for years before that), I can relate to your daughter. I was 23 when we started living together.
And I still did well in school. (And graduated!) And since I was living in the city by myself, it was probably safer to have him living with me. I think you made the right decision by not freaking out about it (too much). It sounds like you’ve raised a great daughter and she’ll make it work!
The Cubicle’s Backporch´s last blog ..2009 Poker Run- Mardi Gras on the Water
It could be worse Mike. She could have told you that she and Mark are planning to knock over a Las Vegas casino during Spring Break.
Trooper Thorn´s last blog ..The Christmas Gift of Music
I can’t even imagine the sinking feeling. I do not look forward to that conversation with my daughter. Unfortunately, if I follow the “can’t call the kettle black” rule, I’m in serious trouble!
Momisodes´s last blog ..I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk. Get you love drunk off my hump.
Wow, I must be the only one who isn’t totally shocked! Maybe its because the week after I graduated college, I moved in with my boyfriend (now Husband of 23 years). I vividly do remember having the conversation with my mom about the moving in. It went more like this… “hey Mom, I am moving in with Chuck tomorrow, can you tell Dad”? See, they had never actually even met Chuck and when he arrived the next day in his big old red 4wheel drive smoking a cigarette I am sure they were very impressed.
Lets just be happy you and your wife were actually given the decency of a mature conversation/warning.
Just as my parents could not stop me from making every mistake in my life, we can’t make our children’s decisions/mistakes/achievements. I have to say, it was much easier when they were little and “because I said so” – actually worked. We just have to be there when they need us.
Kandee´s last blog ..Girl Scouts….
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