It seems that Carly Simon announced to the press the other day who she was writing about when she wrote the song “Your So Vain” back in 1972. It seems that her ire was not for a jilted boyfriend who may have treated her wrong. No, this was all saved up for a record producer whom she felt didn’t pay her or her new album enough attention.
I mean, David Geffen who was in charge of Electra Records, her label at the time was more involved with Joni Mitchell and getting her promoted than Carly. David Geffen, the ‘gay’ record producer.
Does this all seem a bit anti-climatic? For decades Carly Simon had kept this a secret. It became kind of an icon of secrets. Who was she talking about was always the conversation whenever the song played. Was it Warren Beatty or Mick Jagger she was complaining about?
I grew up with Carly and her music. We are not that far off in age, and she just had a great voice especially when paired with her former husband James Taylor.
I think she should have kept the secret. The mystery seemed to generate more fun with the song. Now, it’s just another song.
As I approach the young age of 50 in a few months, I have found I need my humor more than ever. This story makes me laugh. Enjoy the laugh…
An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.’
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, ‘Well, doc, it’s like this–first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
‘Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
‘We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.’
The doctor was shocked! ‘You asked your neighbor?’
The old man replied, ‘Yep, none of us could get the jar open.’
No, I don’t have a bad case of dandruff, or head lice. I’m scratching my head because I am truly confused. I warn you ahead of time, this is my little soap box I’m standing on today. Just need to bitch to the world wide Internet about things.
For those who may not know, I’ve currently been unemployed since last May. For those counting, that’s about 9 months on the payroll of California’s unemployed. Not a happy place for anyone. However, a couple of nights back, my wife and I went to see our tax preparer. Fortunately for us, the news was good. We don’t owe Uncle Sam this year.
However, she told us of a client she has who has been unemployed for as long as I have. This gentleman was offered a “temporary” job for about six weeks. The guy thinking this was a way to get off of unemployment for a time, took the job. While he had been on unemployment his previous salary allowed him to collect the highest amount which is $900 every two weeks. However, after taking the minimum wage job for six weeks, and then refiling for unemployment when it ended, he was told that the State of California looks at your last six weeks of salary and the last 3 months average of pay. He made minimum for those six weeks and because of unemployment the previous 3 months which is consider not a wage, he was offered unemployment of less than $200 every two weeks.
SOAP BOX: Where is the incentive to take a job, any job, when the state cuts your unemployment. It has me personally scared to take just any job at the moment. If the State of California can cut a small wage to even smaller, what is a family to do?
THE CAVEAT: Don’t get me wrong, I don’t wish to stay on the state’s payroll. I’ve always held a job since when disco was still popular (yeah, I’m that old) and not working is driving me (and the wife) a bit crazy. However, I’m not crazy enough to jump at the first job and risk what little I have right now. However, I also know the this won’t last forever and I will soon run out of benefits and need to take that McDonald’s job….
As any patriotic, red blooded, American, I sat down Friday evening and watched the Opening Ceremonies of the Winter Olympics. Okay, I watch “part” of the ceremonies. Hours upon hours of introductions of countries you forgot about since geography class can be a bit mind numbing.
However, I did find the commercial for the ‘We Are the World 2010′ interesting. A lot of stars that I forgot they got old, or ones that I couldn’t name. Interesting how they intertwined Michael Jackson (along with her sister) into the video. Either way, it was fun to watch and made me a bit nostalgic for the original 25 years ago. It seems like I was just a young, newly married man when Bruce and Stevie along with all the others, sang it out for Africa.
For those who would love to go back or who don’t remember the orginal. Here’s a bit of history:
MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE ******************************* MALE PROCEDURE: 1.. Drive up to the cash machine. 2.. Put down your car window. 3.. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4.. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5.. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6.. Put window up.. 7.. Drive off. ******************************* FEMALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to cash machine. 2.. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine. 3.. Set parking brake, put the window down. 4.. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card. 5.. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up. 6.. Attempt to insert card into machine. 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car. 8.. Insert card. 9.. Re-insert card the right way. 10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page. 11. Enter PIN. 12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. 13. Enter amount of cash required. 14. Check makeup in rear view mirror. 15. Retrieve cash and receipt. 16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside. 17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook. 18. Re-check makeup. 19. Drive forward 2 feet. 20. Reverse back to cash machine. 21. Retrieve card.. 22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided! 23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you. 24. Restart stalled engine and pull off. 25. Redial person on cell phone. 26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles. 27. Release Parking Brake.
It seems that Carly Simon announced to the press the other day who she was writing about when she wrote the song “Your So Vain” back in 1972. It seems that her ire was not for a jilted boyfriend who may have treated her wrong. No, this was all saved up for a record producer whom she felt didn’t pay her or her new album enough attention. 
As I approach the young age of 50 in a few months, I have found I need my humor more than ever. This story makes me laugh. Enjoy the laugh…
