What made me think to look up an old post on this blog is that just recently I’ve had to revisit driving training again.  No, I didn’t have another child.  If I had, there would be a doctor who I saw several years ago that I would be punching in the mouth.  The training involves my youngest daughter, again.  She didn’t forget how to drive, she does pretty well for the limited two years that she has had her California license. 

It’s that in the infinite wisdom that is my ex-wife and her husband, they bought her a gorgeous late 60’s VW square back station wagon.  The car has been a project of theirs for the last couple of years.  They have spent many weekends rebuilding the car almost from scratch.  The finished car is really a very pretty car to look at.  It will be a great car for a teenager to drive back and forth to school and work.  A cool car for Southern California.

The drawback.  It’s a four speed manual transmission.  Have you ever tried to teach a child how to drive a stick shift?  It’s like trying to herd cats or push spaghetti uphill.  It can be done, but with much difficulty. 

Now, my personal car is a BMW 5 series with a 5 speed manual transmission.  A stick shift (not the pedal shifters) but one that is easily driven.  This VW is a pain in the ass to drive.  The clutch has to be pushed down hard, the stick has to be moved hard to change gears, and the car drives like a slug.  Add to all this a teenager who knows nothing about why there is three pedals and not just two on the floorboard. 

So I begin the teaching process of how to feather the clutch and accelerator while still working the brake and getting the car into gear.  I am revisiting what it took to have patience with a teenage driver again.  I realize that you truly never get to escape these responsibilities.  However, there are days that I think I’m just getting too old for these “E Ticket” rides anymore.

It’s Been My Privilege… 

I have the honor and the privilege to be the father and step-father to three beautiful daughters.  They are constant reminders of why I was put on this earth.  Not only are they the loves of my life, they are regular fodder for many things I have written
throughout the years.

A long time ago, I discovered that being a father isn’t an obligation or a right.  It wasn’t something men were supposed to do just because previous generations had.  I found out that it is a privilege, a gift to us and one that shouldn’t be taken lightly, EVER.  

As holidays go, I love that third Sunday in June.  Father’s Day is my time to celebrate the fact that I am a dad.  It was a chance for me to look back at their lives and see what I was given to mold, teach, and raise to the best of my ability.  In return, they have taught me so much, such as patience and how to view the world from their eyes.

My daughters are 22, 18, and 17 respectively.  All have grown up to be beautiful young women that would make any father proud.  All three continue to strive to be the best that they can and really, what father could ask for anything more.

Now don’t get me wrong, these three are not angels.  They have their moments.  I’ve
spent many nights waiting up for the missed curfews.  There have been dramas galore with school, girlfriends, and boyfriends.  I’ve had to mediate arguments between daughters and the other parent or step parent.  However, nothing that couldn’t be resolved with a little love and patience.  

I have a saying that I tell my daughters frequently, “I may not like you at the moment, but I will ALWAYS love you.”  All three know that I will move heaven and earth for them. 

So all you fathers out there, as you await a breakfast of cold cereal or burnt eggs served by your kids, remember you have been given a privilege. 

Happy Father’s Day…

 

Yep, my oldest just graduated from a Southern California school this weekend.  Of course, her mother and I are very proud of the accomplishments she has been able to do while in school.  She and about 1,000 of her closest classmates all walked the aisle to get their diplomas.  A really neat sight to see as they cheered not only themselves but their fellow graduates on Sunday.  The only thing that ran through my head was, ”Damn, all these recent graduates will be my competition for a job, crap! 

She majored in Communications with an emphasis in Public Relations and a minor in Marketing.  She worked at the school paper and was even offered the position of Editor.  She turned it down only because she wasn’t a Journalism major and wanted someone else who was to have the position.  She is currently working at a P.R. firm as an intern and will probably be offered a full time job after the summer.  Thank god, now maybe she could start supporting her dad…Nah, probably won’t happen.

With my oldest out, my middle child starting college in September and my youngest starting her senior year in high school, we should be done with kids in college in about 5 years.  I don’t know what I will do without all that drama that comes with college, the moving, the boyfriends, the stress of finals, etc. 

I know, many of you will look at the photos at the top of the blog and say, “There is no way Mike is turning 50 tomorrow.” and then there are a few of you, (I’m talking to you Matt) who will say, “Oh dear god, he’s not looking too good.”

Either way, being a half century has been a hell of a ride, so far.  I count my blessings every day for what I have.  A beautiful wife who puts up with my ever changing “get rich” plans.  Three gorgeous daughters who light up my life every day, even those days where I am pulling out what’s left of my hair.

Yeah, I’ve had my share of ups and downs.  A divorce, losing my dad way too soon, unemployment, a house with a couple of cats.  Nothing that most of you haven’t had to deal with in your own lives.

I’ve had a great time writing this blog.  It has given me an outlet to express my joy, pain, frustration, elation and my creativity.  I have made some great friends  that I hope to see in person some day.

So, as you enjoy this Memorial Day holiday, first please remember the reason why we celebrate it, those who have given their lives to protect our freedoms.  And second, raise a beer to the guy you’ve shared stories with for the last couple of years and know that he is at that half century mark.

….and still counting. 

I’ve had the opportunity to have several mother’s in my life.  Obviously my own mother, who raised a couple of sons without much training considering she was an only child.  I maybe biased, but she did a pretty good job of getting my brother and I into adulthood. 

I have also married a couple of women (not at the same time, that’d be wrong…) who have been great mothers.  My first wife, with whom I had the great pleasure of raising two beautiful daughters.  And my current wife who with her own daughter has made for an interesting “female heavy” household.   

So, let me join the chorus that all men need to be shouting.  Thank you ladies for being the mother’s that many of us dad’s would be lost without.

Happy Mother’s Day….

6:45 – The wife gently wakes me with a kiss goodbye and reminds me to have a great day.  Got to love that woman who keeps me grounded.  Got to remember her birthday this year…

7:30 – Begin to roll over in bed and contemplate the day.  Not much excitment planned for the day.  Stumble out of bed, head to the shower, inspect the soon to be 50 year old body for damage and aging.  Soak my head for 10 minutes in the shower to shake the cobwebs.

8:00 – I get dressed in shorts and a t-shirt (this is Southern California) and head out the door with the dog to meet with my Coffee Consortium at the patio of the local shopping center.  We all b.s. about the economy, jobs, money, how it was in the day, kids, grand kids (them) and drink our coffee.

9:00 – Head home with the dog after way too many stops.  This dog needs check out every damn bush!  Head upstairs and turn the computer on.

9:10  – 10:30 – Answer email, check cigar websites, update a Facebook status.  Basically goofing around for about an hour.  Then off to serious work.  The job hunt.  I’ve got about a dozen sites I check on to look for the latest in employment.  So far not much luck.

11:00 – 12:00 – Head to the gym and try to work out my frustration that finding a “friggin” job is so difficult.  Probably good for an additional couple of miles on the treadmill.

1:00 – 4:00 – Spend this time writing articles.  It is amazing what you can write about if you put the effort in.  Who knew I could write about allergies and dust mites? 

5:00 – 10:00 – Family time.  Dinner, time to talk with the wife and girls about their days of work and school.  Eventually one of the girls will ask:  

“What did you do today Dad?” 

We finally dried out around here and looks like sunshine for the next week.  Great news for me because I get to put on my shorts again.  Not a lot of news around here to speak of. 

Me, still looking for work and writing articles like a mad man. 

The wife, still working hard but enjoying sixth graders, usually. 

The girls are all about school, finals, winter formals and keeping me jumping.

Watched the State of the Union address last night.  Normally not something I would do.  Most President’s use it as a chance to puff up their egos and look good to the American public.  However, the local NPR radio station asked me to watch it and give them feedback, so I did.

I found Obama a bit on the moderate side in his speech.  You don’t normally have a Democrat speak about tax cuts and spending limits.   Kind of reminded me of Bill Clinton years ago.  Parts of his speech seemed to be a bit apologetic to how the first year of his administration went.  I think he knows that he may have burned some bridges on the Republican side and was looking for a way to redeem himself.  That’s not to say he didn’t also have a bit of “fire and brimstone” in his speech about health-care and Iraq.  I am glad that he started his speech talking about jobs.  Being unemployed that was an important topic for me. 

All in all, I’m glad I heard it.  Let’s see how it all plays out in the next few months.

If NPR decides to air my opinions, I share the link with everyone. 

In the meantime, stay dry, stay warm and in the immortal words of our President, “God Bless the United States.”

So, she calls and we start off with the small talk that we usually do. Then somewhere in the middle of it, she blurts out, “Daddy, I need to talk with you and mom face to face tomorrow for lunch.” Any of you out there who are parents, you know this is the time when your butt cheeks start to clench and your mind goes “Oh shit.” Of course, I asked her to give me a preview, something to ease the heart attack that was starting to build in my chest. I love my daughter for many things; one is that she seems to be intuitive to what is happening to her father.

“Dad, I’m not pregnant,” came from the other side of the phone. Oh, thank God, was in my head and I probably said it aloud as well. “The thing is that I need to move because our lease is expiring and I’ve lined up a couple of new roommates.” Here is where the bombshell is dropped, “and Mark (not his real name) and I are going to live together.” You see Mark (not his real name) has been my daughter’s boyfriend for the past three years. They met in her first year of college and have been together every since.

So, you would have thought this would have NOT been a revelation to me. She is after all almost twenty-two and has been living on her own since she was eighteen. Of my three daughters, my oldest is the most headstrong and determined to plow her way in the world.

Nevertheless, all I get is visions of my little girl in pigtails, running around the neighborhood playing with the other kids. NOT living with some guy she met in college.

So my oldest came in to town so that her mother and I could go to lunch and she could tell her mother the news. Her mother and I have been divorced for over ten years now and since then has become a fundamentalist Christian. There was no sure way to know how she was going to react to her news. Our daughter moving in and living with a boy.

Surprisingly, she took it well. She heard the news and calmly sat there absorbing it. She smiled and said that she wasn’t fond of the idea but she understood it. You see, her mother and I had lived together for a couple of years before getting married ourselves. And as she said, you can’t call the kettle black.

The song “Time’s of Your Life” by Paul Anka, was used in an old Kodak commercial back in the mid 70’s, keeps running through my mind. You watch your kids go through life’s stages, infants discovering the world, toddlers walking, grade school aged and innocence, teenage years and discovering themselves, and then on to young adulthood and being grownups.

I think I’ll just sit here and let Paul Anka sing in my head and rerun those memories in my head of my little girl and watching her grow up…

*No one has ever asked me what my high school or college GPA was.  Ever. Bastards!  My high school guidance councilor once told me that I’d never amount to a pile of beans unless I earned a good grades.  Crap!!

*My wife is remarkable.  She is truly beautiful.  Her adaptability is amazing.  She’s had the challenge of not only raising a daughter with type 1 diabetes but has had the responsibility to raise two daughters not her own.  I want to become a better person just to make her happier. She can also be a huge fucking challenge.  That said, the good will always outweigh the bad in our relationship. 

*My high school friends remain amongst the closest I have.   But its on me to keep all of my friends.   I need to initiate the communication – or the friendships inevitably fade… 

*Perception is everything.  Aristotle had it right.  The person you are trying to persuade will be more malleable if you understand their needs/desires/motivations and modify your message.

*Laughter cures almost all.  It is such a powerful emotion.

*I change over time.  I love spinach.  I no longer appreciate the spinning cups at Disneyland.

*Giving is always more fun than receiving.

*After spending the last few years in affluent town I’ve realized that people with wealth are not necessarily happier than people without wealth.   Happiness seems to be derived from being appreciative for what you have and the life you live. 

*I am often the most fortunate when I just say “yes.” I occasionally have regrets when I say “no.”

*My father, one of the wisest men I knew, used to tell us that M&Ms, Desitin Antiseptic, and duct tape could be used to fix just about anything.  I’d like to add Craigslist and a Visa card to the mix.

Got some great responses on my last post, thought I’d share some more fatherhoods quips I’ve collected through the years.  Enjoy…

Your bedroom door gets a lock. Your teenage son’s does not.

Lock or no, please knock before entering, as the disruption of a youth who is spanking his monkey will be twice as traumatic for you as it is for him.

Other doors to lock: those on the liquor cabinet.

There is only one reason for a teenager to burn incense, and we think you remember what it is.

 Unfortunately, those books that say motherhood makes women desire more sex are referring to women who are not your wife.

If the real response to your teenager’s question is no, try this instead: “Go ask your mom.”

DNA tests are 99.9 percent accurate, but check the ears to be absolutely sure.

The twos aren’t always terrible.  Even if they are, take heart, as kids reach the ages of three to six they generally believe their parents are the most amazing beings alive and wish to be exactly like them.  How scary is that?

It’s never too early to begin reading to children.

Let them read what they enjoy.

Except your porn, which your son will eventually steal unless you hide it really well.  No, you cannot ask for it back.  Furthermore, you cannot steal his.

Nearly all psychological problems result from feelings of worthlessness, which is to say, every now and then make sure that you tell your kids their pretty great.

And never raise a hand to them.  But being a good guy, you probably knew that.

The harder they play, the earlier they sleep.

Never turn down an invitation to play.

No toys that require batteries.

They never really outgrow the claw.  “No, Dad, no! Not the claw!” means “Apply the claw, please.” (the movie “Liar, Liar)

All in all, fatherhood is pretty terrific — filled with joy and triumph, promise and miracles — particularly other people’s fatherhood.

You might think you know a lot about fatherhood, but not as much as you will when you’re a grandfather.

If you’re thinking that fatherhood means the end of life as you’ve known it, you, sir, are, of course, absolutely correct.