I know, many of you will look at the photos at the top of the blog and say, “There is no way Mike is turning 50 tomorrow.” and then there are a few of you, (I’m talking to you Matt) who will say, “Oh dear god, he’s not looking too good.”

Either way, being a half century has been a hell of a ride, so far.  I count my blessings every day for what I have.  A beautiful wife who puts up with my ever changing “get rich” plans.  Three gorgeous daughters who light up my life every day, even those days where I am pulling out what’s left of my hair.

Yeah, I’ve had my share of ups and downs.  A divorce, losing my dad way too soon, unemployment, a house with a couple of cats.  Nothing that most of you haven’t had to deal with in your own lives.

I’ve had a great time writing this blog.  It has given me an outlet to express my joy, pain, frustration, elation and my creativity.  I have made some great friends  that I hope to see in person some day.

So, as you enjoy this Memorial Day holiday, first please remember the reason why we celebrate it, those who have given their lives to protect our freedoms.  And second, raise a beer to the guy you’ve shared stories with for the last couple of years and know that he is at that half century mark.

….and still counting. 

I’ve had the opportunity to have several mother’s in my life.  Obviously my own mother, who raised a couple of sons without much training considering she was an only child.  I maybe biased, but she did a pretty good job of getting my brother and I into adulthood. 

I have also married a couple of women (not at the same time, that’d be wrong…) who have been great mothers.  My first wife, with whom I had the great pleasure of raising two beautiful daughters.  And my current wife who with her own daughter has made for an interesting “female heavy” household.   

So, let me join the chorus that all men need to be shouting.  Thank you ladies for being the mother’s that many of us dad’s would be lost without.

Happy Mother’s Day….

6:45 – The wife gently wakes me with a kiss goodbye and reminds me to have a great day.  Got to love that woman who keeps me grounded.  Got to remember her birthday this year…

7:30 – Begin to roll over in bed and contemplate the day.  Not much excitment planned for the day.  Stumble out of bed, head to the shower, inspect the soon to be 50 year old body for damage and aging.  Soak my head for 10 minutes in the shower to shake the cobwebs.

8:00 – I get dressed in shorts and a t-shirt (this is Southern California) and head out the door with the dog to meet with my Coffee Consortium at the patio of the local shopping center.  We all b.s. about the economy, jobs, money, how it was in the day, kids, grand kids (them) and drink our coffee.

9:00 – Head home with the dog after way too many stops.  This dog needs check out every damn bush!  Head upstairs and turn the computer on.

9:10  – 10:30 – Answer email, check cigar websites, update a Facebook status.  Basically goofing around for about an hour.  Then off to serious work.  The job hunt.  I’ve got about a dozen sites I check on to look for the latest in employment.  So far not much luck.

11:00 – 12:00 – Head to the gym and try to work out my frustration that finding a “friggin” job is so difficult.  Probably good for an additional couple of miles on the treadmill.

1:00 – 4:00 – Spend this time writing articles.  It is amazing what you can write about if you put the effort in.  Who knew I could write about allergies and dust mites? 

5:00 – 10:00 – Family time.  Dinner, time to talk with the wife and girls about their days of work and school.  Eventually one of the girls will ask:  

“What did you do today Dad?” 

We finally dried out around here and looks like sunshine for the next week.  Great news for me because I get to put on my shorts again.  Not a lot of news around here to speak of. 

Me, still looking for work and writing articles like a mad man. 

The wife, still working hard but enjoying sixth graders, usually. 

The girls are all about school, finals, winter formals and keeping me jumping.

Watched the State of the Union address last night.  Normally not something I would do.  Most President’s use it as a chance to puff up their egos and look good to the American public.  However, the local NPR radio station asked me to watch it and give them feedback, so I did.

I found Obama a bit on the moderate side in his speech.  You don’t normally have a Democrat speak about tax cuts and spending limits.   Kind of reminded me of Bill Clinton years ago.  Parts of his speech seemed to be a bit apologetic to how the first year of his administration went.  I think he knows that he may have burned some bridges on the Republican side and was looking for a way to redeem himself.  That’s not to say he didn’t also have a bit of “fire and brimstone” in his speech about health-care and Iraq.  I am glad that he started his speech talking about jobs.  Being unemployed that was an important topic for me. 

All in all, I’m glad I heard it.  Let’s see how it all plays out in the next few months.

If NPR decides to air my opinions, I share the link with everyone. 

In the meantime, stay dry, stay warm and in the immortal words of our President, “God Bless the United States.”

*No one has ever asked me what my high school or college GPA was.  Ever. Bastards!  My high school guidance councilor once told me that I’d never amount to a pile of beans unless I earned a good grades.  Crap!!

*My wife is remarkable.  She is truly beautiful.  Her adaptability is amazing.  She’s had the challenge of not only raising a daughter with type 1 diabetes but has had the responsibility to raise two daughters not her own.  I want to become a better person just to make her happier. She can also be a huge fucking challenge.  That said, the good will always outweigh the bad in our relationship. 

*My high school friends remain amongst the closest I have.   But its on me to keep all of my friends.   I need to initiate the communication – or the friendships inevitably fade… 

*Perception is everything.  Aristotle had it right.  The person you are trying to persuade will be more malleable if you understand their needs/desires/motivations and modify your message.

*Laughter cures almost all.  It is such a powerful emotion.

*I change over time.  I love spinach.  I no longer appreciate the spinning cups at Disneyland.

*Giving is always more fun than receiving.

*After spending the last few years in affluent town I’ve realized that people with wealth are not necessarily happier than people without wealth.   Happiness seems to be derived from being appreciative for what you have and the life you live. 

*I am often the most fortunate when I just say “yes.” I occasionally have regrets when I say “no.”

*My father, one of the wisest men I knew, used to tell us that M&Ms, Desitin Antiseptic, and duct tape could be used to fix just about anything.  I’d like to add Craigslist and a Visa card to the mix.

Got some great responses on my last post, thought I’d share some more fatherhoods quips I’ve collected through the years.  Enjoy…

Your bedroom door gets a lock. Your teenage son’s does not.

Lock or no, please knock before entering, as the disruption of a youth who is spanking his monkey will be twice as traumatic for you as it is for him.

Other doors to lock: those on the liquor cabinet.

There is only one reason for a teenager to burn incense, and we think you remember what it is.

 Unfortunately, those books that say motherhood makes women desire more sex are referring to women who are not your wife.

If the real response to your teenager’s question is no, try this instead: “Go ask your mom.”

DNA tests are 99.9 percent accurate, but check the ears to be absolutely sure.

The twos aren’t always terrible.  Even if they are, take heart, as kids reach the ages of three to six they generally believe their parents are the most amazing beings alive and wish to be exactly like them.  How scary is that?

It’s never too early to begin reading to children.

Let them read what they enjoy.

Except your porn, which your son will eventually steal unless you hide it really well.  No, you cannot ask for it back.  Furthermore, you cannot steal his.

Nearly all psychological problems result from feelings of worthlessness, which is to say, every now and then make sure that you tell your kids their pretty great.

And never raise a hand to them.  But being a good guy, you probably knew that.

The harder they play, the earlier they sleep.

Never turn down an invitation to play.

No toys that require batteries.

They never really outgrow the claw.  “No, Dad, no! Not the claw!” means “Apply the claw, please.” (the movie “Liar, Liar)

All in all, fatherhood is pretty terrific — filled with joy and triumph, promise and miracles — particularly other people’s fatherhood.

You might think you know a lot about fatherhood, but not as much as you will when you’re a grandfather.

If you’re thinking that fatherhood means the end of life as you’ve known it, you, sir, are, of course, absolutely correct.

Through the years I’ve collected notes about fatherhood from others.  Sayings that spoke to me, or just plain philosophies that I’ve picked up as a dad.  No, these are not the Bill Cosby or Paul Reiser versions of what they believe is fatherhood.  Just odds and ends that hopefully will put a smile on your face and a head shaking in agreement.  Enjoy….

Don’t worry, your dad didn’t know what he was doing, either.

No, no–not that Spock!

On second thought, maybe you should worry.

Never tell anybody that you and your wife are “trying.” We really don’t need the visual, that’s why.

Never tell anybody where your child was conceived, how long it took, or what song was playing.  We really don’t care.

Do not name your baby after cities, geographical points of interest, features of the solar system, seasons, plants, animals, or current television stars.

Your child, at birth, already has a deeply complicated relationship with his mother, and, for the first year, you are only a curiosity. For a couple of years after that, an amusement-park ride.  Then, a referee. And finally, a bank.

You know how they say you’ll get used to diapers? You won’t.  Unless you wear them a lot.

The reason boys are better: They cannot get pregnant.

The reason girls are better: They’re less likely to get arrested.

My favorite: The threat of an unknown punishment is always more effective than a stated one.

Teach by example.

Your kids can develop an independent sense of good taste only if they’re allowed to make their own mistakes in judgment.

Relax: Lots of little boys want a Barbie and a dollhouse.

The first time you change your son’s diaper and he pees all over you is not an accident. It’s foreshadowing.

It never hurts to videotape the baby-sitter.  Especially if she’s hot.

Never disclose to other parents that you have found a good baby-sitter.

Reason boys are better: They cost less, especially their clothes.

Reason girls are better: They’re less likely to burn, slash, or chew the clothes they have.

Overalls are not only cute, they provide a convenient handle.

At a certain point, your child will appear to survive exclusively on peanut butter, french fries, Cheerios, and hot dogs.

Dropping food on the floor is a new and delightful skill to a one-year-old, not a deliberate attempt to annoy you.

However, as small he or she might be, never underestimate an infant’s ability to project chewed food over great distances.

The single most important thing a father can possess: Wet-Naps.

Children’s hobbies to nip quickly in the bud: drums, archery, matchbook collecting.

Beware your child’s uncles, who will teach your kid dirty words, introduce him to liquor, and give him gifts of drums, archery sets, and possibly matches.

It is, of course, your natural right to exert the above negative influences on your siblings’ offspring.

You are under no obligation to tell children the truth.

Lying to children is, in fact, half the fun: “Oh, that tree? That’s a yellow-spotted spickle-gruber, of course.”

On the other hand, they do remember everything.

More later…

The turkey is usually the centerpiece to most Thanksgiving meals.  As a kid, the best part was after it was carved  the “wishbone” was pulled out.  My mom would put the wishbone on the window sill so that it would dry out a bit.  Then my brother and I after dinner would each take a side and make a wish.  After counting to three, he and I would pull hard hoping that one of us would win and get that elusive wish.

So this year after our prayers of thanks are done, after the meal has been finished and dishes cleaned up, I’m looking for that wishbone.  My brother and I will each take a side and I am so going to make a wish this year.  This time though I think my brother will be making the same wish as I am.  And that’s okay, because we both could use it.

 A special thank you to all who have sent me their thoughts and prayers this year. 

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you.

Not there. 

I swung my legs to the ground and stood up.  Lazily I shuffled to the door to see if anyone else was home.  Fortunately I looked down before openning the door and realized I had better grab some clothes first.  No need to shock the teenagers this early in the morning. 

Clothed and a little better awake I started to roam the house.  Where was everyone?  Most days this house is full.  A wife and three teenagers are usually up and running around in the morning, breakfast, makeup, phone calls, laughing, arguing or some nonsense. 

But no, nothing, just dead silence.  Well, except for that damn puppy next door that just can’t seem to shut up. 

But there was no human noise. 

Then it dawned on me.  Everyone had someplace to go.  The wife to work and the girls to school.  The summer vacations were over.  I had been left to fend for myself.

You see, I had lost my job in late May just as schools were about to start their summer vacations.  Being that my wife is a teacher she was going to be enjoying some time off this summer as well.  So I was spoiled.  I had a full house most of the summer.  My kids running around, the neighbor kids running around, lots of commotion.

But now the house just seems empty.  No one to talk to, no one to bounce ideas off of.  Just me, a keyboard and the vast electronic expanse of the Internet.

I think I’m going to make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich now. 

Maybe the dog has some ideas…

Well, there was baseball.  Got out to the park a few times this year with the wife, my brother and one of my youngest.

I sat around the house a lot and bonded with the pets.

 There was our trip out to Palm Springs.

A couple of drinks in her and she really “loves” me…

Family bonding at the OC Fair.

The cat made a friend.

Middle child in a summer stock play.

Nothing like a good cigar to end the day.