Christmas Card Photos

Posted under Blended Family, Daughters, Family, My Observations, Step Daughter, Wife

 

Now you understand why I’m losing my hair…

 

 

 

 

I’m Not Your Best Friend

Posted under Daughters, Step Daughter

 I was over reading Oh Captain at The Life and Thoughts of a Midwest Geek and his latest post “The Greatest Gift”.  Great post. Title sounds a bit like a bad Whitney Houston song though. 

 

His post relates the story of picking up his child at preschool. He witnesses the interaction between the teacher, another parent and their child.  The child acted badly during class and the teacher relates this to the parent.  The parent excuses the child’s behavior.  Even goes as far as rewarding it. 

 

His point is that we as parents spend way too much time being our child’s “best friend” and not their parent.   

 

This got me thinking about my own daughters and how I raised them.  As their parent, what life lessons had they learned from me?  What was important for them to learn growing up?  Have I been their father, or their best friend?

 

I thought back to an article from a newspaper I read many years ago.  The article was on things your child should know before turning eighteen.  Or when you kick them out of the house, whichever comes first. 

 

As a dad I’ve had a list of things in my head that needed to be passed on to my daughters.   I wanted to teach them to be independent women so that someday they can support their dad.

 

Some of these are practical, some of them emotional, and some of them for the pure pleasure or survival in life.

 

·         How to change a tire.  Just in case AAA is not within cell phone service.

·         How to do laundry.  Separate the whites, from the colors, don’t need them turning pink.

·         How to cook a complete meal.  Let’s not poison someone accidentally.  Which brings me to…

·         Know basic first aid.  You’re going to come across things more complicated than the basic boo boo.  Know what to do about it.

·         Balance the check book.  No, there is not a money tree and yes you will be required to pay your way in the world.  Sorry, no free rides.

·         How to use a credit card.  It’s not free money.  They will come after you if you don’t pay it back.  Better yet, don’t use it, I don’t care how cute that blouse is.

·         Drive a manual transmission car.  I’ve been bad at this.  I need to teach them before they end up grinding gears on mine or someone else’s car.

·         How to write a proper thank you note.  Yeah, I know how to do it, I just forget to.  They better not forget.

·         How to negotiate.  There is a world of used car salesmen.  Learn to go toe to toe with them.

·         How to stand up for yourself.  No wimpy daughters.  Your yes is yes and your no is no.

·         End a date properly.  This could be a father’s nightmare.  I’m thinking a handshake and a kiss on the cheek?

·         How to fix household items.  You might not marry Mr. Fix It.  Better know how to unclog the toilet after he uses it and fix that leaky faucet that he never gets around to repairing.

·         How to organize.  Get a system that works for you and stick with it.  Creditors don’t understand lost bills not paid.  Also see your mom when it comes to “to do lists”.

·         How to clean the house.  For God’s sake, I have to visit.  Don’t make me get a tetanus shot before coming over.  How hard is it to run a vacuum and wash the dishes?

·         How to listen.  A lesson your dad is still learning.  This is how you’ll empathize with others.

·         How to love and be compassionate.  Want more for others around you.  Give your heart when it is right.

·         How to find passion.  We all need to find our passion and hopefully do that for a living.  I found it later in life, try to find it sooner.

·         How to enjoy life.  Probably the most important of all.  Stop, smell the roses.  Enjoy the ride that life is.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

 

A best friend is not going to teach them these things. 

A parent will, and should…

 

She Started It!

Posted under Step Daughter

 She glares at me from across the table.  This is going to be another battle of wits.  I feel like I’ve come unarmed.  She’s a teenager, I’m not.  Our shared stubbornness won’t let either of us back down.   

 

I’ve just told her that she should slow down a bit on her outside activities.  “You don’t want to over extend yourself and burn out”.  I say as a concerned parent.  This conversation and others like it have been repeated time and again.

 

She goes on to explain again, that she has the time and that she’s not overextending herself.  She’ll watch her time involved.  And then again, the glare.  The one where if her eyes were lasers, I’d have holes in my head. 

 

Maybe I do.

 

My middle daughter (a.k.a. Princess) is my step daughter.  I married her mom when she was in the eighth grade and now she’s in her junior year at high school.  So we’ve only had about three years together.  Not much time in adult or teenage years to establish a strong bond.  Though I think we’re getting there.

 

I love her to death.  Not literally.  Though she may end up being the death of me.  I may not always like her, but I do love her.  I tell my other two daughters the same thing and I’ve spent a hell of a lot more time with them.

 

Princess has the academic and social calendar that would make Donald Trump envious.  She’s almost always up before I am heading to class and is in bed after I’ve collapsed of exhaustion.  On top of all of this she is a type one diabetic (she gets a fancy new insulin pump soon).   

 

All my daughters challenge me but I feel they all respect me as well.  They know that I will hear their side of the story and then they’ll have to hear my side.  We’ll argue, there will be tears, probably mine, we’ll hug and then go back to our corners just like boxers and start our dance in the ring again.

 

*** Hey Princess.  When we disagree I always threaten that I’m going to write about you in the blog.  But sometimes I write about you (and your sisters) because I love you…

 

 Dad (step)

 

What Back to School?

Posted under Daughters, Step Daughter, Wife

 

I’ve been reading a few of my favorite blogs (see my “Friends” list on the right) and noticed that a lot of them are anxious for school to start.  To be honest, I forgot school was even getting started. 

 

When you’re the father of teenagers, the back to school ritual is different.  Two are in high school and one is in college.  They usually show up with open hands and let me know what they need. They go to Staples or Target and get a new notebook or flash cards for the coming year.  There’s no need to buy a new backpack, they wouldn’t dare be seen with one.  They don’t need to buy new clothes; they didn’t outgrow the ones they have. 

 

What does change is the cost of going to school.  There are more fees than you can shake a stick at.  ASB fees, PE fees, classroom materials fees, yearbook fees the list goes on.  And don’t get me started on the “classic novels” that each English class requires.  My Barnes and Noble member card is worn out from all the swiping. 

 

You would have thought I’d have seen this coming.  Not the kids per say, but my wife.  She’s a 6^th grade school teacher and classes are starting back up soon.  I noticed lately that she has been compiling papers into neat stacks around the house, and that this past weekend she kept loading her car with notebooks and school supplies.

 

Many of you were looking forward to your little ones going off to school.  Some of you were happy they were embarking on a new adventure, some of you were sad because you would miss them.  Others of you said you’d be dancing naked in the living room to Bon Jovi (there’s a visual). 

 

Me, I think I’ll sit back watch them scamper around to make their first class, drink my coffee and blog…

 

To Mac Or Not to Mac…

Posted under Cigars, My Observations, Step Daughter

The wife and I are starting the process of shopping for a laptop.  We’ve decided that the time has come for us to be one of the hip people.  I mean who doesn’t want to be sitting at a their local coffee venue surfing the web, answering email, updating the blog, or anything else that doesn’t involved conversation. 

 

Actually it’s getting to be a necessity for her.  The convenience of getting things done at school (a teacher) instead of bringing them home would make for a less irritable husband.  Her selling point to me is that I could take it outside with my cigars and work on my blog.  She knows me too well. 

 

But what type of laptop to buy.  I mean the cool people like Stepping over the Junk have gone with Mac.  One of my daughters has a Mac and let’s face it their commercials are pretty funny.  But a Mac is expensive, and you’d think for all that money their mouse would have more than one button. 

 

I’m a PC guy.  Been one every since Bill Gates was a teenager.  Cut my teeth with DOS and then worked my way through Windows 3.1, 95, XP and the dreaded Vista.  I even lived to tell about Windows ME (shudder!).  I have just found comfort in a two button mouse with a scroll wheel. 

 

My wife isn’t as picky as I am.  PC or Mac, 15 inch or 17 inch screen.  She really doesn’t care as long as it’s a laptop.  Though I think I saw her drooling when she was on the Dell site and found she could get one in pink.  I don’t think I could go there.

 

Our dilemma will continue for another month or so.  She has decided to pay for this with the income she makes tutoring.  A cash transaction would make me happy. 

 

So with any luck I’ll be posting to you from my backyard, smoking a cigar, enjoying a glass of wine, and typing on a pink computer.  Whatever it is…   

 

Knit Is A Four Letter Word!

Posted under Daughters, Family, Step Daughter, Wife

 

The words knit and yarn are fast becoming four letter words in my household.  These words to me are slowing becoming synonymous with the four letter curse words we all know and love.  I’m beginning to loath these words as they are bandied about my house. 

 

My home has become a yarn shop.  Not in the sense that you could walk in and shop.  But if your in the area, please feel free to do so.  There are yarn balls everywhere.  There is not a room in this house where you won’t find a ball of yarn, needles or some type of knitted project partially done.

 

It started with my middle child and one ball of yarn.  It all looked innocent.  I mean how could one ball of yarn be threatening?  She had one bag of yarn and needles and kept them pretty much in one space in the living room.  She’d pull it out while watching TV or avoiding the inevitable homework due the next day.  A little annoying, but all in all not intrusive.

 

I should have seen it coming though.  There was a glint in my wife’s eyes.  Her curiosity seemed innocent at first.  She asked about the middle child’s new hobby, this “addicting” all consuming craft which looks like a bunch of Boy Scout knots intrigued her. 

 

Coming home from work one day I found another ball of yarn and needles that I hadn’t recognized from before.  “Oh yeah, middle daughter and I ran over to the yarn shop and picked up a couple of things”.  To my horror, my wife had decided to join our daughter.  “But honey, just think of all the things we can make.  Baby blankets for premies, shawls for the church, Christmas and birthday gifts; the list is endless.”   

 

Soon my house was overcome by needles and yarn.  Under the bed, under the stairs, all over the living room, overflowing into the kitchen and dining rooms.  Not to mention the huge stash in my middle child’s bedroom and out in “my garage”. 

 

Just when I had gotten used to the chaos within my home, my wife announced to me that she had taken our youngest to the yarn shop.  “She’s a natural at this.  She expressed an interest in knitting, how could I deny her?” 

 

There are now more needles and balls of yarn floating around my house these days.  Dozens of half completed projects fill each of the rooms.  And don’t get me started on the yarn winder (what the hell do you need a winder for yarn for?) that has taken up permanent residence in my living room on my coffee table. 

 

Can I interest anyone in a knitted shawl?

 

It’s That Time of Year Again.

Posted under Daughters, My Observations, Step Daughter, Wife

 

• I got an email from my ex yesterday that it was my youngest daughter’s time for high school registration.  My god, there are more forms to fill out than I had on my taxes.  I’ve also haven’t signed my name this much since I bought my last house. 

 

• She’s going to be a sophomore this year and is no longer the small fish in a big pond.  She understands the lay of the land and is learning the ins and outs of high school protocol.  Basically don’t piss off the upper classmen and stay low under the radar. 

 

• She completed her driver’s classroom course and now we need to schedule time for the DMV written test for her learners permit.  This will allow her to get out on the road with all of the other manic drivers.  If you live in Southern California , you’ve been warned.

 

 

• My middle child is in Europe this week.  Her church was sponsoring a trip to Geneva and France so that they could experience religion in Europe.  Part of the trip, the kids will be spending at a monastery.  They need to spend a few hours everyday while at the monastery in quiet reflection.  This is the part that cracks me up.  Teenagers being quiet for a few hours every day.  Is that even possible?

 

• Rats in the garage this past week.  Set up a trap and caught one BIG one and one small one.  Hoping that was mom and dad and they didn’t have time to procreate.  I left the trap up and nothing in it for the last couple of days, so either I got what was out there or the remaining rats have peanut butter allergies.

 

• My oldest came down this weekend to visit and do laundry.  I keep telling my wife that if we continue to feed them, they’ll just keep coming back.  Maybe we should change the locks.  Nah, they’d just break in.

 

• I’m fortunate that she decided to go to school locally.  She’s only about an hour’s drive away.  Far enough from mom and dad to have her own life yet close enough in case of an emergency.  She amazes me every time I see her.  She is twenty and has become a woman who is pretty confident in her direction.  I miss my little girl, but I am very proud of the woman she has become.  Sniff, sniff…

 

• My wife and I were at the OC Swap Meet on Sunday.  It was gorgeous day outside and perfect to stroll the vendor booths.  Those not familiar to swap meets, or at least the way their done here in the OC, imagine your favorite mall.  Now remove the building and put the stores outside.  There you are.  Not great deals, put you’ll find tons of merchandise.  It’s a fun place to walk with a beer and “people watch”, one of my favorite past times. 

 

• With the oldest daughter off at college, the youngest at her mothers for most of the week and my middle child (Princess) on a flight to Geneva, the house is ours.  No kids underfoot, I can run around my own home without worrying about getting clothes on.  Not something I do very often, but it’s nice to know I can if I wanted to.